Finding Peace with Lack of Control

If you have been following me over the years, you might know that I am an “avoid surgery at all cost” person.  I am MORE than willing to put in every second of work necessary to do so.

I was told I needed back surgery in 2010, but instead, I worked with a PT, and incorporated her moves into a core-centric yoga program to protect my spine, and have been happy, bendy, and in much less pain ever since.  When I broke my wrist, I was told by multiple surgeons that fusing the wrist was the only answer (read: no more vinyasas).  Thanks to my highly-respected father-in-law orthopedic surgeon, I was able to find a surgeon who would fix the wrist without fusion, knowing that it was up to me to do all of the work post-surgery (not an easy task).  But, even that incredible angel surgeon said “down dog is an extreme angle on the wrist” regarding my recovery.

As I tend to, I took none of the worst case scenario to heart, I believed only the outcome I desired, and I focused on healing completely. I worked with my eastern medicine healer, my western medicine surgeon and OT, and worked all day every day on healing, while chanting and meditating with my mala, and taking bone knitting Chinese herbs.  Of course, my wrist healed, and while it will never be the same, I DO practice yoga, and bear weight on my wrists every day.

Fast forward to two months ago, when I was having a PT evaluation for my baby, JAX, for torticolis (tightening of the neck often caused by position in womb), the PT “highly recommended” I take him to an orthopedic surgeon for his hips. Huh? I thought we were here for neck stretches…

Skipping ahead several steps to about six weeks ago, I got a call from my pediatrician at 7p on a Wednesday, which I knew wasn’t good. JAX’s x-rays showed that he did in fact have hip dysplasia, and at his age (then 8-months), the window for PT or a harness had closed, and he would need surgery, and three months in a spica body cast. Just to start repairing.

Swallowing SURGERY for my baby was not something that came easily.  I sought out MANY other opinions (to the tune of 5 other surgeons).  They each recommended the same course of treatment.  Couldn’t I take him to an eastern medicine practitioner?  I did, and even she thought surgery was necessary.  I was devastated.  I believe so much that the mind controls the body, and has the power to heal it, but what happens when it is not your body that needs healing? I wanted the infinite amount of love I have for my baby to be enough to heal him. 

Many bumps were hit on the road to him actually having surgery (and so much resistance from me): five weeks worth of scheduling surgery, and him not getting cleared for one health reason or another that would not allow him to go under general anesthesia. There were some scary moments, but at the end, last Tuesday, my baby boy had surgery with a team who felt right, fully supported us through the process and will continue to support us. I am so grateful to each of them.

I am also beyond grateful for all of the support I have been showered with from my family, friends, and mama mafia. And, also from all of the amazing online communities I am lucky enough to be a part of.  I could not have gotten through the past 5-weeks without YOU. Thank you.

We are currently learning about life in a spica cast for my now 10-month old baby boy.  It is full of challenges, but I am willing that he will be out of it in three months’ time, and praying that everything else will get healed from love, prayer and eastern medicine.  It never has to be all eastern or all western.  I firmly believe all of the “woo woo” stuff MAKES A DIFFERENCE.  How else could my wrist surgeon be dumbfounded by all that I do every day?

While I don’t believe my mind can will JAX’s bones in place, I do believe a mother’s love is powerful and palpable.  WE will heal, and I can not WAIT to be able to kiss my gorgeous baby’s scrumptious tummy and thighs again.

Do you know anyone who lived through an infant in a spica cast?  Please leave ANY tips in the comments below.  I would be so grateful for any tidbits of wisdom, and any love.

Xo,

Heidi